


Without You

by aurawinterrain



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/M, Future Fic, Iwaizumi Hajime Being an Idiot, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M, Mentioned Kageyama Tobio, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Open to Interpretation, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Sad Oikawa Tooru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24181738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain
Summary: It’s funny how you can pinpoint the exact moment your heart begins to break.-Oikawa has been in love with Iwaizumi ever since he could remember. But when Iwaizumi finds a girlfriend, will he be able to keep his number one place in the wing spiker's heart?Or will he choose to run away?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 134





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this was just a vent I am so sorry I did this to the both of them I hoped they were in character and you enjoyed ~ It's mainly angst, there are small moments of fluff. Also, a lot of dialogue cause that's how I could express their dynamics the best.

Oikawa remembers the first time he realised he was in love. 

They were still kids, barely old enough to climb over rocks and explore the forests around thier houses. But Iwaizumi was adventurous, and Oikawa didn’t want to be left behind, so they ventured out into the wild. Looking back at that, it really wasn’t anything scary, but for child Oikawa, it was the most terrifying trip ever. He never really went outside his house, only having shuttled between his and Iwaizumi’s houses. So when Iwaizumi proposed exploring the forest at the end of the street, Oikawa’s first instinct was to reject the offer. 

“Fine then, I’ll go alone,” Iwaizumi crossed his arms and looked the other way. “There are loads of beetles that can be found in the forest, and I want to capture some.” He said adamantly. The thought of Iwaizumi going on ahead and leaving him behind made Oikawa’s heart clench painfully, and before he knew it, he was agreeing to go along. Not wanting the both of them to get too lost in the entourage of trees, their mothers sent them off with instructions of where exactly to stop and come back. Still, Oikawa couldn’t shake off the feeling that the tall, looming densely packed trees held some kind of ominous creature lurking behind them. 

When they finally entered the forest, the sounds of cars honking and people shouting eventually melted away, and they were enveloped in the cricket's chirping. Oikawa was trembling slightly, but when he turned to look at Iwaizumi, who was focused intently on the sights and smells around them, he thought that he had never seen his friend so happy and at  _ home.  _ “There’s a stag beetle there!” Iwaizumi whispered, tugging on Oikawa’s arm. If he were alone, the brunette would have screamed bloody murder and ran away, but he was stayed rooted to the spot, knowing how facinated Iwaizumi was with beetles. 

“I’m gonna catch it, just stay here okay?” Iwaizumi turned around to give Oikawa a huge grin, and he almost felt like whatever fear he had before entering the forest was cast away. Almost. At the end of the day, the duo finally emerged from the forest, one whose soul was almost sucked out of him at the amount of insects they encountered and another giddy with happiness. “Tooru, you’re the best~” Iwaizumi said when they stopped in front of his house, pulling Oikawa in for a hug. The latter faltered, not expecting this big display of gratitude. 

“You’re really my number one!” He felt his cheeks flush red at the ridiculous things Iwaiumi was spouting, knowing that it was only due to his huge haul from the forest. 

Yet, he hugged Iwaizumi back just as fiercely, heart almost beating out of his chest at their close contact. When they pulled away, Iwaizumi flashed him another toothy grin, and that’s when oikawa knew,  _ ah, goddamn. I am in love with him. _

“Oi, shittykawa. Hey, are you even listening to me?” Iwaizumi jabbed Oikawa in the ribs, perhaps a little harder than necessary. The setter yelped, jumping slightly at the sudden physical contact. 

“Don’t do that all of a sudden Iwa-chan~ Today has been a long day, what’s up?” He lowered the volume on the television and turned to face Iwaizumi fully. 

“Well, you know how Suga and Daichi invited us for this gathering this saturday?” 

“Yeah? I was wondering if we should go, I heard that Tobio-chan is going.” Oikawa pulled a face when he mentioned their junior. 

“I, uhm, can’t make it. I have a date.” 

Oikawa froze, wondering if he heard Iwaizumi right. 

“A date?” He tilted his head to the right slightly, confused. Iwaizumi had never been on a date, ever. Not even one. Though middle school, then high school, and even through university, he has never been on a date. Or at least, he’s never told Oikawa he had a date. 

“Yeah, she’s from my literature class. We hung out a few times around campus while waiting for your practice to end, and since exams just ended, I thought it would be a good opportunity to hang out somewhere else.” 

Oikawa didn’t know what to say - he didn’t know what  _ Iwaizumi _ wanted him to say.

‘Good for you?’ 

‘Congrats?’

The words felt false and bitter sliding across his tongue, but he said them anyways, keeping a light smile on his face. 

“I can’t believe Iwa-chan is growing up! Having your first date~” He teased, even though he felt his insides shrivel up when he uttered those words. Iwaizumi grunted, reaching out to smack Oikawa when his phone pinged. The brunette had flinched back, covering the back of his head with his arms and waiting for the impact. When he finally opened his eyes, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, given how silent Iwaizumi was. What he  _ wasn’t  _ expecting was to see his childhood friend smiling goofily at his phone, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

Iwaizumi glanced up to see Oikawa staring at him, and when their eyes met, Oikawa felt like all the air was knocked out of his lungs. Iwaizumi haven’t looked this happy since they were  _ kids _ . The sudden image of kid Iwaizumi flashed across his eyes, and it took all his willpower to turn away, back to the forgotten alien movie. Picking up the remote, he turned the volume all the way up, ignoring the wing spiker’s protests. 

“It’s one of my favourite movies, Iwa-chan.” He said softly.  _ It’s not, why are you lying?  _ “I just want to enjoy it at full volume.”

“Trashykawa, you’re going to disturb the neighbours!” Iwaizumi protested, but left Oikawa alone, leaving to the safety of his own room. 

“It’s fine, you’re overreacting, Tooru. It’s just a date. Just a casual date. How many dates have you been on?” He whispered to himself one he was alone, no longer focusing on the movie. “It’ll probably suck, then Iwa-chan will stop hanging out with this girl, just like how I dropped all those girls back in highschool.” 

-

Iwaizumi didn’t stop hanging out with the girl. Oikawa ended up going for the gathering alone, pairing up with a random spiker from a school he didn’t know. The spiker was good, but he was nowhere as attuned to Oikawa as Iwaizumi was. The two of them worked well together, past the insults and scolding, Iwaizumi was ultimately the only one who could keep the ‘grand king’ in line. 

“Iwaizumi-senpai isn’t here?” Kageyama asked Oikawa when he spotted him sitting down alone, away from the rest of the teams. 

“Yeah, he’s… busy.” Somehow, the word ‘Iwaizumi’ and ‘date’, just doesn’t go together, and he was glad when the genius setter merely shrugged his shoulders and left, dropping the topic. Perhaps it was the first time he felt so alone. He was always with Iwaizumi ever since they were kids, he couldn’t remember the last time they went their own separate ways. University tore them apart, but they worked their way around it, renting an apartment that was within walking distance of both their schools, so they could still visit each other and remain in contact. 

As time passed by, Iwaizumi only got ‘busier’. Having a relationship was draining - he had firsthand experience back in highschool, after all. It was tough juggling studies and club activities, which was the reason why he was always dumped, every one of the girls saying that the setter loved volleyball more than he cared about them. They weren’t wrong - just slightly off. Oikawa  _ was  _ in love with volleyball. But he was also in love with playing volleyball  _ with Iwa-chan _ . So when Iwaizumi started to call off dinner plans, coming back later, no longer waiting for him to finish practices, Oikawa would only say that he understood. He really could. 

Then, Iwaizumi did something totally out of the blue. He brought her back to their apartment. Oikawa had just woken up from his afternoon nap, so when the wing spiker told him to get the hell up, because they had a visitor, he didn’t think much about it. It was only when the doorbell rang and he opened the door, coming face to face with a girl, did he realise who the visitor was. “Assikawa! I told you to put on a shirt.” Iwaizumi came up from behind Oikawa, who was somehow frozen to the spot. “Go put it on.” He thrusted a random t-shirt at the brunette, who took a few seconds to process his words and simply shrugged it on, completely ignoring the glares that Iwaizumi was currently shooting at him. 

All he knew was that there was this weird static sound that was ringing in his ears once he saw who was standing on their doorstep. She was short, just petite enough for Iwaizumi to kiss her on her forehead. Once she was invited inside, he noted how their hands were intertwined with each other, and his stomach gave a lurch when he realised how she was pressing her body up against his friend’s arm. 

Right. 

_ His friend.  _

_ His childhood friend.  _

Suddenly, he felt like there was a lump in his throat and it was hard to swallow. Letting out a shaky laugh, Oikawa brushed his hand through his hair in an attempt to make it look presentable. “Iwa-chan literally told me five minutes ago that we were going to have a visitor, so sorry if I shocked you at the entrance.” He said playfully, giving her his signature wink. She laughed, but it sounded way too high pitched and false for his liking. 

“So this is the infamous Oikawa Tooru? I finally get to match a face to the name.” 

“Infamous? Iwa-chan, have you been talking shit about me behind my back?” He whined, resisting the urge to latch himself to Iwaizumi’s other arm. The latter rolled his eyes, picking up the first sharp object - one of the random literature books they had lying around - and threw it at Oikawa. 

“I only told her the truth.” 

“You mean your twisted version of the truth? Anyone can see how perfect I am, Iwa-chan. Ah, Ayumi-chan, was it? Do you want to see one of our matches? I have it pre recorded here-” 

“No, she’s here to watch a movie and then we will have dinner. You can join us, if you like.” 

Oikawa stilled, his smile frozen on his face. It was probably one of the first times Iwaizumi brushed him off as rudely as that, but he tried to shake it off, even as his pretense was crumbling. “Yeah, I kinda forgot I had a date tonight too. I’ll not come back tonight, so you don’t have to worry about being too loud.” Grabbing his keys, he was out of the apartment in a flash, momentarily forgetting that he was wearing a simple t-shirt and shorts.  _ As if anyone would go on a date like that.  _ He thought to himself, trudging to a nearby park and plunking himself down on the bench. 

Out here, he felt like he could finally breathe. After months of seeing Iwaizumi mention his girlfriend, he never really had to  _ see _ the both of them together. In fact, he was hoping that he never did, so he didn’t have to feel this way. 

“You said you were going on a date.” Iwaizumi’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and the setter sat up straight, whipping around to face his childhood friend standing right behind him. “You lied.” 

“I-how- What about Ayumi-chan?” 

“I… Well, when you went out wearing that, we were both shocked. I thought it was best I go after you, in case you did something stupid.” 

“Iwa-chan, you sound like my mum now~” 

“Someone like you need’s ten mums to keep you in check. Come on now, let’s head back to the apartment, I’ll interrogate you later.”

“Eh? Interrogate? I did nothing wrong!” Oikawa whined, but followed Iwaizumi regardless. Still, even after the scolding that he received once they were back in their apartment, Oikawa went to sleep with a smile on his face that night.  _ He cares,  _ he thought as he drifted off to sleep.  _ He still cares about me, after all.  _

-

Iwaizumi and Ayumi didn’t break up. If it was even possible, they grew even closer. Oikawa successfully managed to avoid any face-to-face interactions with her, managing to worm his way out of them one after another without seeming too obvious. By now, it was clear that Iwaizumi was in love. He saw the way Iwaizumi looked at her when she was over,  _ it was exactly the way he looked at him. _ Like she was his world, and he would do anything to protect her smile. Yet, the very incident that caused him to realise just how in love he was came only a year after they started dating. 

“Iwa-chan, you’re going to go to the convention with me, right?” Oikawa asked, placing his feet up on the counter as he chewed on his breakfast. He wrinckled his nose in disgust, pushing the setter’s feet away with the back of his palm and grabbing his own slice of sandwich. 

“The one on friday? The one that you literally would  _ not  _ shut up about? Of course. I promised you, didn’t I?” 

Oikawa grinned, waving goodbye as he headed out for his lecture for the day. “You’re the best, Iwa-chan~” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” 

Then, the door slammed shut. 

Iwaizumi wanted to keep his promise, he really did. What he didn’t expect was for Ayumi’s cousin to hold a wedding on that very Friday. 

“Hajime! Keep your friday clear, okay? My cousin is getting married and I agreed to go, you’ll be my date. You don’t have any lectures on that day, do you?” 

“Wait, friday? As in  _ this  _ friday? I can’t, I’m going to this convention with Oikawa-”   
“Oikawa again? You cancelled our date for your friend the last time, and now you want me to go to the wedding alone for your best friend? You’re dating me, not Oikawa, you know?”

“Of course! I’ll just… ask him to go on day 2, instead. He would be fine with it…” 

Oikawa was  _ not  _ fine with it. When he came home, he realised that the setter had prepared dinner already, even though it was his turn to get dinner. Wanting to get it off his chest, he had told him the moment he entered the kitchen, causing Oikawa to drop his chopsticks in shock. There was silence for a while, before he bent down and picked them up, placing them on the table with shaky hands. Iwaizumi let out a soft sigh, moving closer so he could talk to oikawa face-to-face. “I know you’ve been looking forward to this for ages, and I should not have promised when I didn’t confirm my schedule but she really wants me to be there, and it’s a wedding, I can’t ask them to postpone their wedding can I?” Oikawa bit his lip, hiding behind his palms so Iwaizumi couldn’t see his expression. He rubbed his face roughly, trying to hide the fact that he was this close to breaking down. “It’s fine…” He said softly, and he was slightly proud of himself for keeping the tremble out of his voice. “It’s not like I only have you to go to the event with me.” He tried to sound as flippant as possible, which was clearly not working. 

“Will you be okay if I’m not there?” Iwaizumi sounded worried, and Oikawa  _ liked  _ that he sounded worried. 

“Yeah, just go for the wedding.” Oikawa gathered himself up and started towards the door.    
“Wait, what about dinner?” 

“I’ll have it later, I have a meeting with someone. See ya~” 

Then, the door slammed shut. 

-

He honestly didn’t know how to react, was he expecting Iwaizumi to put him above his girlfriend a second time? Oikawa found himself near the park again, feeling very similar to the first time he visited the area. It was almost like he was struggling to suck in enough oxygen - his chest felt tight and there was something akin to jealousy roling about in this pit of his stomach. 

“It’s about time,” he mumbled to himself, opening up the application on his phone. “I’ve been harbouring this unrequited love for years like a fool, I should give up now.” He said bitterly, pressing the ‘accept’ button. 

After all, Oikawa Tooru was a coward. He was a coward back in highschool, when he couldn’t tell Iwaizumi why he was trying to hard to improve himself until he worked his knee up in a brace. He couldn’t tell Iwaizumi that he wanted him to look his way for once, to look at him like he was his star, his world, his everything. And now that Iwaizumi was looking at some random stranger he barely knew the same way - that very thought made him sick. So he was choosing the easy way out, just like what he did when he submitted his university applications. 

He was running away. 

-

Oikawa didn’t come back home that night. Nor did he come back the next, or even the next week. 

“I  _ said,  _ I am sorry. For the hundredth time ever, where the hell are you?” Iwaizumi growled into the phone, leaving yet another voicemail. After the first days of intial death thearts if Oikawa dared to even come home, he eventually resorted to just asking the setter where the hell he was, and what he was doing. The night that Oikawa had stormed out was a chilly night, but he could still remember him only wearing a thin shirt and their old practice shorts, as usual. Where could he have gone? 

His phone rang, and he immediately picked it up, heart stopping when a familair voice came from the other side. 

“Iwa-chan-” 

“Don’t you  _ dare _ Iwa-chan me. Where. The. hell. Are. you.” 

“Me? Oh, I’m in my new apartment. It’s rather spacious here, living by myself.” 

“Your  _ new apartment?  _ What on earth do you mean, shittykawa? We’re sharing the rent here-”   
“Oh but what about your girlfriend? What happens when you take your relationship a step further?”

“You’re thinking too much again, you ass.”

“Am I, though? You’re happy with her, Iwa-chan. I can see that much. You don’t have to waste your time concerning yourself with me. Like you said, I am a shitty person. I don’t deserve your worry. I’ve been holding on to this love for far too long-”

“ _ Love? _ ”

“Ah, it just slipped out. I love you, Iwa-chan. Have been since we were kids. I didn’t plan on letting you know like this, but now that you do, at least it’s a weight off my chest. Don’t worry, I’ll sort out my emotions myself. As for my things around the apartment… I’ll come by when you’re out to collect them. That’s all for now, bye bye~” 

Then, the line clicked shut. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t believe his ears, letting his hand drop to the side in shock. Oikawa has been in love with him all this time? Suddenly, he snapped into action, dialing his number and hoping that he would pick up, even though he knew that he wouldn’t. 

**_The number you’ve dialed is currently not available-_ **

“Damnit!” He threw his phone across the room in anger, not knowing how to think or process any of this. 

_ He really is a shitty person.  _ He thought to himself.  _ Maybe I should have told him that I loved him back.  _


End file.
